Monday, October 22, 2007

Toddler Rules

If it's on, I must turn it off.
If it's off, I must turn it on.
If it's folded, I must unfold it.
If it's high, it must be reached.
If it's shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it's pointed, it must be fun to play with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it's plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it's not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it's in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it's closed, it must be opened.
If it doesn't open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it's a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, computer monitor, or table.
If it's full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it's empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it's a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it's a stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest and must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it's paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it's your toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it's my toothbrush, it must be inserted into your mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it's a phone, I must talk into it, unless there is someone on the other end.
If it's a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it's not food, it must be tasted.
If it's food, it must not be tasted.
If it has a tail, I must yank it.
If Mommy wants me to come, I must run away.
If Mommy wants me to go away, I must cling on for dear life.
If it's sticky, it must go in my hair.
If it's bath time, I must run around naked until I'm caught.

I do not know who wrote this but I thought it was just perfect in describing toddlers. If anyone knows who the author is- please let me know and I will update my post to give that person credit.


Regina said...

Hi Melanie,
I don't know who wrote it but they were brilliant! I just wish I had this information a few (more than a few) years ago, it may have saved my sanity! But I will share it with David & Brittney, it may not be too late to save theirs!

Mary said...


This is so very true. I must forward your link to my niece who has a 3 month old son, Griffyn. I'm sure he's going to be handful, as he already has quite a temper.

Have a magical Monday and thanks for stopping by my blog and meeting Meeko. I enjoyed your visit.


Andrea said...

So true!!

Andrea said...

hahah...I love it!! And I read TOO many of those that are 100% completely true for my mischevious little toddler! haha.

Courtney said...

Oh wow!
So true!!!
Love this:)

Common Mom said...

My "toddlers" are 7 and 4 . . . 95% of this is still true ;-) Great list . . . I wish I knew who wrote it.

Hope you had a great birthday!

Pam said...

This is so true! And, still at the preschool age I find this to be completely fitting! It is so true and right on. I'm feeling that way right now with Ashlyn...when I have free hands, she wants to run and play. When I have Riley or I'm nursing him, she wants me to hold is tough...I feel guilty when I can't meet her needs. said...

This is true!! :)

Sharon said...

Well, we said goodbye to toddler days long ago. Matter of fact we will be celebrating my youngests first double digit birthday tomorrow. She is so excited. You would think she was going to be old enough to get her drivers license or date.:)

Sharon said...

How was the big DAY?
Did you wake up with totally gray hair and wrinkles?
See---it was not that bad.
Forty won't be either. :)
I know.

pinks & blues girls said...

Haha! This is so cute! And definitely written by someone who has BEEN THERE!!

Jane, Pinks & Blues

Shaunda said...

So so so so TRUE! LOVE this post!

Debbie said...

Oh girl.......this isn't just for toddlers! Hehehehehe.....
Thanks for the award. I just got my laptop out of the shop soooo updating shortly, I hope....

ValleyGirl said...

Yup, that about says it all. It's like they live in a parallel but opposite universe or something!!

ValleyGirl said...

P.S. How WAS your birthday?!

ZAM said...

Oh wow! I can totally relate! It absolutely describes everything my son does at the moment.

Thanks for making me smile today.

It's a FLIP-FLOP World said...

Very good and perfect!! Well we know she was a mommy for sure!! No one else could get all of that so correctly..

Anonymous said...

That is an adorable list! It would be nice to have it printed and framed to hang on the wall.

best home teeth whitener

my4kids said...

Oh soo true and some of those don't change when they stop being toddlers!!

Laura said...

I'm about to credit YOU for this on my site. This is my life right now and I know it's yours too.

Thanks for the laughs!